He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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