I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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