if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
