I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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