In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
