If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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