I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
