It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
