So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
