I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
its liver damage thursday
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