I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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