Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
