Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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