I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
