i wish my penis had a tongue
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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