bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
