I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
