There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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