I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
