I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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