you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
