i jhust puked up my retainher.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
