Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
