I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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