I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
