We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
