awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
