Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
