it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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