Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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