I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
