I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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