He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
