She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
