I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
