at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
