he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
