i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
