No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
