I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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