Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
