big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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