I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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