M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
