I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They have beer where we have blood.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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