Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My underwear smells like fireworks.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
