Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
