My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
