I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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