This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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