when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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