i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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