We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
