just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
