god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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