I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
