this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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