You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
