I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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