you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
