My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
