I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
