I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
