I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
