I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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