Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
