batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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