i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
