I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
