By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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