New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
smell my finger.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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