I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
