When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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