I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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