im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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