I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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