yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am available for nakedness
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
