Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
