i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
